RT pt. 2

'Every1 wants 2 feel loved & wanted. So why do we sometimes allow ourselves to be devoid of it, when there is someone out there who wants u?'
'It sucks feeling like no one is interested in you'
'Its so hard to find the confidence to proceed when your heart is empty...'
'Everybody needs it. So why do I feel like the only one who doesn't have it?'

ugh. i need to stop bitching on twitter... but i do like being able to revisit random thoughts that pop in my head throughout the day.

i dunno. i guess lately i havent felt that connection with anybody. i feel... empty for lack of a better word. for her its easy. a beautiful girl like herself is going to have guys stepping on each other to give her some sort of attention. as they have been.

but me...

i have to fight for it. i have to go and initiate convo, get rejected, etc. etc. why put myself through all this for attention from someone i dont even know? to this day, there hasnt been one person who really showed any interest in me outside of physical attraction. but im so much more than that. and thats not what im looking for anyway. I guess it has something to do with the fact that i dont want to fight for anything but her. things arent always as simple as we would like them to be.

ADM... what makes it even harder is still having to play the best friend role and listen to the stories about whats going on. i mean, dont get me wrong, i love being her best friend, but thats a very tough pill to swallow. especially under the current circumstances.

besides, i realize that ive ALWAYS played the best friend role to the girl that i was interested in. only to hear about how much this guy did this, and that guy was a jerk, and the one who will do right by you is sitting right here, heartbroken that you have to go through all of this. ive played this position too many times in the past, and i dont know if i can keep this up any longer.

whats even worse is trying to voice all this... only to be ignored once again.

Its ok... blogger ALWAYS listens to me.

so... what to do... I see her in 2 days. maybe things will be looking better by then. then again, im always saying maybe. hopefully, possibly, perhaps, by chance... all synonymous with having faith.
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its getting harder and harder to stop that faith from shaking...

no matter what I say...