Magic...

i think she's tryin to break up with me... for the umpteenth time.

*sigh*

i dont know.. i just feel like she's been pushing away slowly ever since she went to New Orleans. and theres nothing i can do but sit 1000 miles away looking like a fool for letting the perfect catch go... but we said we'd be able to handle the distance. we said no matter what we'd be together. we said we'd always fight for us. now we just fight each other. over phone calls and unreturned text messages. i should of known ours wasnt that kind of love you can fabricate through a cell phone. we have to be next to each other for us to work.

I feel like im always attacking this problem with unrequited love...
and she attacks it with anger. she's mad at me for "leaving" her in new orleans. so I am the reason for her unhappiness, her lonliness, her stress... she didnt even apply for ANY schools in VA!!

i just want to be with her, and i even tried to transfer for the spring semester, to no avail. i thought i had a school in the bag and it turned out for the worst. and ever since then we've gotten worse and worse. it feels like all she wants to do is fight with me. and all i want to do is love her, so we go back and forth.

so why do i put up with it?

honestly letting go wouldnt make matters any easier right now. and i know that when we are together, this situation wont even be looked upon as anything significant. we never fought like this before the separation. NEVER! sure we had our arguments, but never to this scale. guess i should have paid more attention to the old addage "united we stand, divided we fall", but what am i supposed to do, drop out of school? i do need to leave crap-ass Hampton... but i cant just pick up and leave. (sidebar: why did this song have to come on? "stay together" - ludacris. damn you ipod, your shuffle feature is all-too telling)

i'm just looking foward to the day where we can be together in the manner we are supposed to be. because when we are together... its magic.

and theres not a better word to descibe it... magic.

partially because there is no real word to describe it...

its like that feeling you get right before you go down the first drop on a rollercoaster, when everything slows down and you are in the air for what seems like an eternity... you cant quite catch your breath, and you cant close your eyes because the view of the park from this height is just beautiful.

i need that back. and i want to do whatever it takes to get it back. the semester is almost over... if only we can hold on for just a while longer we can see the light again...